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| i am supposed to do my pahabol leadership team building journal 3 that could probably change my standing in school but here i am, being a procrastinator, blogging again. goshness! will i ever change? nah. i don't think i ever will: i am an easier-said-than-done kind of person... and forever will i be. it's 5 am and i am still up. i feel like providing answers that has long bothered my friends minds. this must be the product of having to read my horoscope from the magazine i randomly picked in the bookstore in orchard kit jasmine and i hang out yesterday. i says some stuff about how my love life should turn and how have i been recently.. it was pretty suitable for me and kit i tell you. FYI: the following section of this entry does not involve any feelings including happiness, fulfillment, frustration, annoyance, etc. it is PLAINLY an expression of thought. furthermore, the use of the word 'feel' in this part does not affect the preceding clause. i really do not understand why people always tell me to have a boyfriend. lately, people(that's faye and melody. hahaha) have been bugging me AGAIN about my love life (as if i do have one). well, maybe not about it, but about me having one. i wouldn't blame my being UNattached to the fact that there's nobody courting me because of the fact that things has changed and most guys are not willing to take the first move anymore and as they say(as what my horoscope suggested in place of dreaming about my crushes or watching them from afar), it's the girl's(my) turn now. so meaning, if i wanted to have a love life, i could--it's just that i don't want to. personally, i think i would be boyfriendLESS for a long time whether there is a guy who'll like me or there's a guy whom i will be fond of UNLESS the guy who'll like me is the same guy i'll like or it's john prats which is rather impossible (both ways). i honestly don't see myself being with any guy in the future. by saying this, i don't mean that i'm a lesbian or whatever...it's just that i can't imagine spending the a lifetime with a stranger. well of course he clearly is not a stranger if i do decide to spend a lifetime with him, but what i am trying to say is that i don't see myself dating or getting married as of the moment. the thought of having somebody to care about and to share things with or to communicate with is simply FREAKY...plus i am not used to having frequent alerts in my phone. well it's complicated, but i think i already made my point. in addition, i feel like love life needs a lot of time in order to last... and handling time is something i am definitely not good at. i have set my mind to concentrate on my studies and extracurricular stuff that i need to get through it. i am a success oriented person and i want to achieve my goals. i am even willing to bargain having to experience love and be loved just to have an assured successful future. i am aware of the famous phrases which express how miserable career women are having no men in their lives or whatever, but i really don't care...sometimes, you just can't have the best of both worlds. having said all these, i still want to have my dream life of being a housewife if given a chance (a housewife of a business tycoon or somebody successful who has a high pay if possible, so my life would be easy and worry-free). i know this would make my statement of being a successful career woman blah blah pointless, but life that's how life is. it doesn't need to have a point: identifying what's the point of a persons life is the same with searching for his purpose--existence--something that even the brightest minds of this era or the previous era or the one before that could answer with precision and certainty. complex as it is, i am human. i am full of ironies. i have a clear view of my priorities, although people might be confused of what i really want. it's 6:48am and i'm starting to sound a weirdER so i better sleep. | | |
| I find it rather strange that I believed that I am smart when I don’t even know the basics. Who am I kidding? I kinda knew about this even then when I was younger... it was just that nobody has noticed! Well, in 2nd grade, I failed a quiz about alphabetical ordering for Filipino. Hello, Alphabetical ordering??? Hahaha I think it was the first time I failed a quiz… EVER. Anyways, I’ll start with how I suck at directions… not only in navigating from a place to another, but also in simply distinguishing right from left—embarrassing, yet true. Through the years, I have refined my ways of finding out which is which. In times when circumstances require me of raising one of my hands, I used to observe my classmates responses first before acting. Then I developed a way of finding out which is my right side. I just remember that my right ear has a skin tag (this disgusting excess skin which I had ever since I was brought to life), I pretend to push my hair back so that I can touch my ears and I’ll know which hand to raise or which way to point. This has helped my for quite some time, until it became obsolete for some obvious reason. Recently, I have learned and mastered a less embarrassing technique: the art of remembering where I wear my watch to know the correct direction/side/orientation or whatever in a split of a second. Despite upgrading my capabilities to be categorized as “close to NORMAL person”, I still have a long way to go. I still haven’t found an effective way in remembering the correct sequence of days of the week without assistance and how “Tuesday” should be spelled without having to have a second look. Plus, there are episodes when I still forget my ABCs and 123s… not to mention my battle with adding and subtracting numbers. It might be a surprise, but that’s how I am in reality. There are also times when I misread some simple words such as ‘lookout’—I read it as ‘lukot’ when kit and I where in sentosa once. I don’t know whether it’s just my eyes or my mentality to read what I want to read and not what’s actually written… sometimes, I feel that I am dyslexic which I doubt to be true for it happens only once in a blue moon. I find it annoying though, especially in exams when words are registered differently…can’t remember the details but I remember losing a substantial amount of points for that! Such nerd-ness! Speaking of nerd, I realized that I am not a NERD! BOOHOO! You see, I need a thousand extracurricular activities just to get myself ready for study like what I am doing right now. Well this might be good for most people, but me! I WANT TO BE A BONA FIDE NERD!!! Nerd people like to study and I need to like studying to survive SMU!!! See the logic??? I am not nerd enough for SMU! Waaaah! Oh enough of my nonsense whining, back to my stupidity. Recently, I have been out of my mind. Literally. I am aware that I am not the greatest pedestrian and I am not good in crossing the street, but as an educated person, I should know that I must STOP LOOK and LISTEN before I start to cross the street. Recently, I have am susceptible to just directly crossing the street without any hesitation and precaution even when there are cars on the road. Yeah I have been stressed lately, but I can assure everyone that I am in my right senses, it is just that I am a BIT stupid…it is just that I forget that there are cars on the road which I might cross when I am walking around Singapore. I know… LAME! Oh well, at least I’m still alive. Btw, I'm almost dead... i feel like lent season has got into me a little too much this year. I'm going to die a few days from now and on the third day( technically fourth but i only have three papers) I'll rise again. OMG! Can't wait til all this is over. Too bad, there's no way that I can accelerate the process. PS I've given up whining... it's UBER difficult!!! well, i have allocated a substancial amount of time for whining instead of studying. It's driving me nuts though... HAHAHA | | |
| : edited: yeah, i'm not supposed to be in xanga now, but yeah... FINALS is just around the corner and i have planned my sudy week already... i have even booked group study rooms (GSR)s just for this, but i still haven't studied!!! i just slept... i slept for almost 16 hrs (cumulative... 14 hrs straight plus 2 hr nap). i have allocated atleast 6 hours of study per day of this week, but ....although, i have reached my quota of 1 hr for bizlaw :D, I still have FA and ECONS! i am soooo dead! i don't get FA at all! :whining: I DON'T KNOW HOW!!! i have tried all the past year qizzes, yet i still don't get it! CAN I DIE? waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! i want to go home na! -------------------------------------------------------- kit and i went to starbucks later that night and discovered that we are more productive when there's no BED in sight so we are planning to go to changi airport just to study... we won't be sleeping!!! hahaha PLANNING GALORE... | | |
| I'm not supposed to be in xanga but yeah i am. i just need an outlet to let all my frustrations out so forgive me for posting a crappy and heavily disorganized entry. i have been busy lately...well actually, i am busy as of the moment and i'll be ultra supper busy for the next 5 weeks! i don't know which to do first! there are loads of projects for each course i'm taking, but i'm always looking for a point to escape--infact, i whine most of the time when i am supposed to figure out how to do things. i don't know if i can get away with it with my current attitude and phase, but i don't care anymore. i just want this term to be over really soon. i feel that this term has just shocked me! first of all, all my life, i have always been relaxed and carefree. i have time to do things that i want to do and don't want to do whenever i want, plus i knew how to do them or i can figure it out myself. i have always thought i was smart, but hey i'm now struggling even in just understanding terms in Financial Accounting, my first ever accounting course in SMU! WHY, why is this happening to me? why the hell did i choose to study accountancy? i want to shift to business but i don't know how and i'm not sure whether i really want to. perhaps i should just stick to accounts and do the best that i could. but how? i don't like my prof and i think he likes me, but i don't it's a good thing because i just keep on disappointing him by failing each quiz and not answering his questions correctly in class. and the worse is that the only thing i managed to do to make up for all these, is to come early in class for two consecutive sessions... for the record, i was late for the first 6 weeks of the term. If only i can drop it... well, i guess it's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to late to think of it right now plus i never have such option. oh well, i'll sleep now although i'm not supposed to for i have to finish my share of our report for FA. i'll just cram everything tomorrow, i mean later, so that i can show my groupmates that i am not really slacking although i am. PS i realized that i really have to sleep no matter what! | | |
| haha! that was so rhyming! anyways, before i was 18, i have always thought that being 18 as a mark being dalaga. maturity. independence. OVERALL CHANGE. i was wrong...partly. well now that i have reached that age, i am not feeling all these. wait. maybe i have been all these or experiencing the exact same things even when i was a BIT youngER. i just realized that being 18 does change anything at all...well maybe in the LEGAL aspect it means something but still, it does not change much. i drank alcoholic beverages before. i've experienced entering a club and even though i was not allowed to enter MOS before, it didn't matter that much either--i just don't enjoy being in such. and lastly, i won't still be able to vote this year! oh yeah! some things has changed. my hair and my specs too! just great enough to chang my life! sigh | | |
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